Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!
Here’s a bit of seasonal fun to welcome in the festivities.
Deck the Halls
by Emma van Woerkom
Just one day until Christmas
And the hours are whizzing by
While all about perfection
Glistens smugly on the eye.
Real trees dusted with frosting.
Crystal baubles, golden-round.
Posh shops hire Santa’s reindeer
To leave footprints on the ground.
The epic main attraction?
‘St. Nick’s grotto’, Lapland style.
A pricey Finnish import –
(Flat-packed dens – so versatile!)
Bright strings of things, flakes flashing,
Sets defying gravity –
I’m not so sure my home décor
Competes on an Argos tree.
My ‘Norway Spruce’ is nine years worn,
Tripod based, resting on two –
Shedding strange fake plastic needles,
Standing up-right, if askew.
I fight great nests of knotted lights
Which momentarily amuse –
Until that failing flicker
And I’m off to score a fuse.
Or it’s just a single light bulb
That’s given up the Yuletide ghost.
Systematically I test them
Turning my retinas to toast.
Threadbare is also my tinsel –
The prey of a senseless crime,
For some reason, last season, I hacked it,
Something to do with mulled wine …
Broke ornaments, I’ve got hundreds.
Bought, stolen, re-gifted and begged
Even a nose-flashing Rudolph –
Like the tree he’s missing a leg.
I don’t skimp on handmade extras
Weird glittery bells, stars and balls –
Glued in grim, sweatshop-like classrooms
When Ofsted make unannounced calls.
Then sat as proud as a peacock
From her lofty station on top
My hand-me-down one eyed old fairy
With a wand that resembles a mop.
Holly, mistletoe are like gold dust
They’re sourced through an underground hub
A-friend-of-a-friend who’s a farmer,
Check your boot, 8pm, at the pub.
By Midnight mass, most presents wrapped –
Gift tape drives us all round the bend
Bet Good King Wenslas ground his teeth
When he lost the cellotape end!
But carols sung, cheered trek for home
Tree lights wave at me through the glass,
My winking one-eyed fairy beams
That Christmas has come at last.
So I’ll sit with a sigh for a moment
And forget all the rush that it’s been
My list’s all done, it’s been quite fun
Plus for weeks I won’t have to clean!